Butterfly Wondering
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Hard Water
Hard water
some never hold court in the dusty palaces where poems are
built,
fearing the presence of other writers, their discreet finger
trails drawn across cornices, their drawn breaths in steamy
breathless bathrooms where wadded washcloths may lie,
their stray tongues hung out from drawers slightly agape,
cupboards hastily re-sorted & on gradually warped
mantels, telltale fingerprints under wordless prim commentary
of an index finger’s intrusive none too subtle path through sticky
dust
somehow recently & yet chronically overlooked,
aging plastic shower curtains folded back
to expose rusted hinges & encrusted fixtures;
hutches where teacups are stared into & then quietly left
unchosen,
& instead show up as lines in poems about rugged writers
going blind in semi darkness with only the solitary locust
chirp,
whose attentions, easily stolen by distant dragonflies,
traveling troubadours & faraway flutists live frivolous lives
abandoning carefully troubled gardeners, but suddenly
stopped by the whimsical
line of notice in another writer's quick review:
after the bold signature that notes w obligatory smugness how
comparison is odious,
obvious embattled streaks of smudge marching across majestically windowed views in other
scribblers’ dusty lodgings,
litters of aging dust bunnies shaking silently & pinkeyed
perhaps
beneath faded furniture,
droll note is taken of the drinking glass that does not glisten,
allusion to dead relatives whose feral photos sit framed
in occluded corners,
the housekeeper who blames everything on hard water,
the industrious daddy-long-legs spider whose webby home is
safely chandeliered above the telescoping dust-ragged pole
one brief poetic mention of the single dying philodendron that
struggles bravely potted in a piece of outdated, overcrowded antique crockery,
limbs reaching languidly from room to room
barely breathing,
cornered,
slowing turning yellow, the unspeakable family invalid
pallid
poems surely symptomatic of deferred maintenance
of
a soul’s inner life, one small step for negligence, a master stroke
for
modern living.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Let your life be
Let your life be
An offered breath returned to life,
A baby’s kiss gifting remembered softness
in its suddenly spasm, clutching instinctively
to the mother ship now certainly untethered,
still knitted invisibly amid negative spaces
through which blue nightsky
through which blue nightsky
glitters, bringing dancing illuminated furies to those receptors of human vision,
a magic orchestrated multiple millennia past
& carrying memory's starseed to continue its replicated scattering
& carrying memory's starseed to continue its replicated scattering
the gathered bits of verisimilitude to some schemata
originally designed in some particular specific configuration
the DNA whose weave you & you alone can possibly dance.
the DNA whose weave you & you alone can possibly dance.
Share in
slightly shrill & off key operatic
Soliloquy the chanting mermaids in the singing, stinging sea
Laughter freckling the known coordinates
of air waves where you in brief human form had passed
of air waves where you in brief human form had passed
in synchronous & instantly disappearing
Breath, the perfect elegy.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
My Last Marlboro
My last Marlboro
It was no royal duchess, nor a viscount nor even prince
albert rolled like
dusty lambwool from familiar rust painted tin
But just the old standby, grim reaper-lean cowboy astride
his well hung stallion,
white & red box with tall black letters, flipped open
& inside the remainder of 20 tobacco soldiers on end, no
longer tightly packed
but still sick sweet smell exuding in the instant before
good judgment can awaken.
I hadn’t smoked in years. No longer the searing veil once
acquired purposefully,
a screen of stench & lies between us, a way of delaying
appetite,
a test to ensure that pathos could overcome common sense & you would love me
anyway, the worst habit.
I’d picked it up as a child w calculated concentration,
learned self taught but proper
mannerisms, hands like Daddy’s cupped in the wind, squinting,
one eyebrow raised, determined double barreled exhale like a
slow motion Pamplona bull; it was from his dark desk I’d stolen the first ones
I tried to inhale.
But after decades I’d let go of it. No longer any need to shock or stun you,
to prove myself as tough as any gunslinger, some shy new desire
for true acceptance as casual as sand
overcoming the frosty
fortress of former belief that I needed no other friend.
No compulsion for something to do w my hands, I learned to
eat my own cooking and that I loved the real taste of food, I’d kicked that stinky
sad
companion to the curb, no matter how loyal and compulsively
I’d kissed him all those years. Sure, I banked off slow, having loved too
much
to go cold turkey, found lesser friends in menthol kools
& exotic turkish camel lites,
slim sophisticated shermans as subtle as cinnamon sticks,
rivals
promising more mellow tastes, lower risks, & yes I
taperered off
for never had I found another who could deliver
satisfaction sweet as the nasty snarling smirk of him, my Marlboro,
w his manly smell, the rich pervasive odor that ruined all
my clothes.
That evening, I’d been at another AA meeting when you said
something
in the group just to get a laugh. It pissed me off so bad. I
had to go outside
and there I found another person
in the cold night air also nursing wounded feelings,
quiet, saying nothing to me nor looking up
Just silently proffering that open pack. I took the smooth
and silky cigarette and accepted the glowing bic flame, inhaled between my lips
and drew in deep.
Felt shame & gratification
instantly down to my toes & all my anger die down deep,
Felt sweet nothing. Then I noticed it felt bad & tasted
wrong & my reflection in the plate
glass window looked absurd. I said to myself “self—he is not worth it,
Anymore.” I ground the Marlboro half smoked beneath my heel
looking down as if to memorize. And from that moment twenty
odd years ago to this, I did not look back
to hear your song, or even to recall your name.
Odd, even that this smoky morning in october, suddenly, I did.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Chinook
The wind blows fog off distant rivers, unveils the sun
blown in by breezes from a warmer place beyond the sea
carrying birds back home in flocks that fly formations
to our valleys from the coast.
Here in town we luxuriate deliciously in this surprising gentle
gift
climate aberration in a region
where spring is normally three cool months of rain and
silver showers
in a day suddenly gone unseasonal,
sensuous sweet warmth shining through the brown and bony
arms
of trees still skeletal and mostly leafless,
under blue skies boldly bright as any day in june.
This year it’s late, coming in mid-march, to greening chartreuse
hills
that harbor hidden yellow knots of daffodils,
and crocuses peeping shyly but predictably from under rocks.
Normally it might be february were it to occur at all.
Never a sure thing, skips more years than we wish to recall
this irrational and temporary spell, celebrated
by pretty college
girls appearing bikini-clad and buff on balconies,
smelling strongly of coconut and vanilla
the syrupy song of saxophones blaring from open windows
over glorious galloping guitars
during daylight hours
children with their mothers or their fathers reveling
noisily together
on squeaky schoolyard swings,
elders sipping minty ice teas on shaded café patios,
daring each other to get some sun. Chinook’s a sweet and short-lived
thrill,
like puppy love or any other,
half the insane unspeakable joy of it
our unspoken suspicion knowing this can’t last,
is certainly unsustainable and wrong, must be tasted,
that buds that dare to bloom now may lose their later perfect
promised fruit,
but knowing now that this is just as good as living on this
planet ever gets,
we savor this like lemon drops that melt to nothing in the
mouth
there is no joy as crazy nor spell as sweet
than the magic of this freak false spring,
Chinook.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
encounter at otter point
Beneath unending skies misty sea horizons
edge across these moors along shaggy multicolor carpet
effulgent evergreens offering new growth in
joyful vigor seldom seen, chartreuses pregnant with
promise
sprinkled with tiny brilliant blossoms in wild shades
Voluptuously reminiscent of the most mouthwatering exotic fruit:
berries, kumquat, pomegranate, mango, juicy tangerine.
I dare not name these wild & newly flowering children,
most as unfamiliar to my eye as if they’ve fallen from
some keltic fairy kingdom, some distant outer planet,
or risen surreptitiously from the florid foamy sea.
we trample overgrown & fragrant paths along the breathless edge
overcome with pure elation and appreciation
Until my husband suddenly in a harsh shout wakens me—Watch out!
You’re on
an overhang!—he yells, hands cupped
against the ocean’s nearby roar. I turn and see the giant
golden sculpted cliffs,
streaked mud-red sandstone walls w oddly vertical layers
rise
as if slung there by some ancient capricious continental drift—
denuded by El Nino and the endlessly relentless crash of
waves—
a sandy clay where the most tenacious plant from heaven
could never root or grow
I’m standing on a path surrounded by bright blooms and evidently ready now to fall
unceremoniously into
the dizzying drop below, the vast expanse beneath unsupported
weight held up above eroded earth only by the sheerest land bridge made of weak and rootless silt
and shale sand—all that from the pathway’s vantage point was hidden and invisible to me—
and shale sand—all that from the pathway’s vantage point was hidden and invisible to me—
I quickly stride to safer perch to take the trail closer
in, forsake the risky ledge.
But now we see another couple, these two with a little
yapping dog beleashed
who ceremoniously take the trail we’ve just forsaken and with our arms and voices,
try to warn them—they seem annoyed. As if we’ve trespassed in their reverie.
We point out the sheerness of the cliffs. “We know” the
woman says a bit impatiently.
“this is otter point. Have you googled it? A fascinating
history. We’re moving here.”
Get out! I scream and point. But just like me she cannot
see. She shrugs and walks
Blithely blindly on, her husband at her tail along the
twisting precarious trail.
Great, I defer cheerfully. and welcome to this orphaned
land, all patrons and all matrons
Gratefully received—“Be safe! No accidents!” She flings a painted blonde hair
from her eyes w well manicured and diamond studded hand.
from her eyes w well manicured and diamond studded hand.
“We believe in abundance,” she calls from her suspended
ledge,
smiling and appearing irritated both at once. "NO VICTIMS!"
smiling and appearing irritated both at once. "NO VICTIMS!"
“we believe in only choices—it’s all energy!”
“OK, perhaps I need to hear that!” I hear myself say w/o credibility.
I myself
lose altitude now, and faith and spirit. We tramp back down the trail
in silence, wordless and unaccompanied and heading back to
the
Camper’s parking lot where our old blue grey mommyvan sits modest and serene
comfortingly familiar and alone except for a brand new
Lincoln SUV
w chrome rack and rims, a relative behemoth beast, as strangely odd and menacing
in coldly gleaming pure white presence crouching here as some rare displaced,
in coldly gleaming pure white presence crouching here as some rare displaced,
perhaps endangered polar bear.
That woman by the way -tho not near as old- was almost quite
as large
and possibly as heavy as me.
and possibly as heavy as me.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
eclipsed
Eclipsed
We sit alone together in the Chinese restaurant
Between lunch and dinner, only a single occupied table,
A huge hispanic family seated in the center of the room,
They’re well nourished, well groomed, well dressed,
Accordioned white spun silk shirts & black shiny satin
dresses
having just come from a wedding, it seems,
Or maybe some giant faraway church, or maybe major grocery
shopping
kids noshing on everything from egg rolls to mar far sweet
& sour.
We are old & tired; the day has been long &
exhausting, not much accomplished,
The biggest news around is the full solar eclipse, not
another to be seen
For more than a decade anywhere on earth. For once, we have
landed an ideal
Viewing position. I stare out the huge plate glass window,
through which the colored
Light leeches irrelevantly as we speak. I wonder at the quietness of
space, empty sidewalks,
Sunday afternoon before memorial day Sunday & everyone no
doubt
at the m ountains now or on the beach, hoping for a view. We are space aliens
who have landed in this funky Chinese restaurant.
We now know there are many more varieties & dialects
than even this
20 page menu can contain, but are content to flip &
frown.
It is comical almost to watch the children well behaved at
table pray
“Gracias por el arroz frito y el fried shrimp”
items we no longer order, managing cholesterol.
No one here cares, apparently, about the alignment of heavenly bodies.
We are careful elders who barely catch a glance, except for
the waitress,
Whose slim figure in polky dot A line is arresting, &
who
Culturally recalls how to respect her elders, as we are
wise, & probably
Better tippers than the young. The sky outside is graying fast, like a giant
cloud cover
passing, the solar eye a lidded stare. We both stare at one
another under pure
fluorescent light,
Too tired to even think to go outside.
I guess the solar eclipse is in full swing, I manage.
Yes, the light looks pretty dull out there you reply. We stare again
At the menu; our waitress arrives, recognizing &
recalling us.
As the room fades, her her face lights up.
“One singapore
chow fun!
One happy family, white rice!”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)